Seeds

My husky Zorbi, died June, 2007. She was an awesome dog. She was my buddy for more than 14 years and it hurt tremendously to see her leave this earthly plane for the next. Or the previous. Who can tell? What were we before what we are now? Who can tell.

In honor of her, I ran several miles daily, and re-read Kazantzakis's Zorba the Greek, her namesake. I just found out not ten minutes ago that Kazantzakis was heavily influenced by Nietzsche. I had no idea. I love Nietzsche, I love the Buddha. I love life loving, freedom affirming, strong, playful, joyous, and powerful energies. And Zorbi embodied all these qualities...

I never did finish the book the second go around, because I never got past this page. I will transcribe it for you:

"The Shepherd: My meal is ready, I have milked my ewes. The door of my hut is bolted, my fire is alight. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

Buddha: I no longer need food or milk. The winds are my shelter, my fire is out. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

The Shepherd: I have oxen, I have cows. I have my father's meadows and a bull who covers my cows. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

Buddha: I have neither oxen, nor cows, I have no meadows. I have nothing, I fear nothing. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

The Shepherd: I have a docile and faithful shepherdess. For years she has been my wife; I am happy when I play with her at night. And you, sky, you can rain as much as you please!

Buddha: I have a free and docile soul. For years I have trained it and I have taught it to play with me. And you, sky, can rain as much as you please!

For reasons unknown to me, as soon after I read the above passage I burst into tears. Real tears. Not the sorry for me or sorry for you tears emo tears. No, these tears were made up of something else. I can't explain it really except to write that I felt so close to someone that I'd never felt close to before. I can't explain it, but for a split second I connected with the Buddha, and I had never felt that before. So much of me is attracted to the tragic hero... and all of us know that there is absolutely nothing tragic about this Prince among Princes.

I had written of rehabilitation using meditation in Indian prisons once a long time ago. I think that was the first real seed planted about vipassana. The second was Zorbi's death and Zorba the Greek's prologue. The third was planted in India, in Kerala, at an auyrvedic resort. My cottage neighbor was this young raw foodist ultra marathon running super athlete Italian doctor from London. She and I bonded and spent some days talking and sharing our stories, dreams, visions, and ambitions. She was en route to a vipansana sit in Nepal, and I, back to the States. When she told me about her plans to sit a ten day silent meditation, the hairs on my hands stood on end because I had just read an article in a magazine about Buddhism, India, vipassana and my favorite (non-Bollywood) Indian actress Nandita Das' experience. The fourth was at a lunch with my mom at this famous restaurant in Banglore while we were vacationing and we were seated with three corporate well suited business men at a large table that everyone shared. What did we speak about during lunch? You guessed it. Their ten day experience with vipassana meditation.

In September 2009, I canceled a multi-country trip to south east Asia a week before I was supposed to leave. I have no other explanation other than that it didn't feel right, it felt like I was running away from something and the gnawing feeling of emptiness refused to leave me. So I canceled the trip. Instead I signed up for this crazy ten days of silence in Maryland. I couldn't believe that there was a center that close by to me. And this, this is even better. The meditation dates started on September 23. September 23 is my birthday. I signed up, was put on a wait list, and at the last minute accepted to attend.

I researched this silent ten day business like you wouldn't believe. I was terrified. And so I researched it some more. I read so many accounts from so many blogs, wanting to read all sides, from the positive to the negative. And then I just plunged on in like I do with so many things that terrify me, and so it goes-
Life. Seeds. Trees. Life...